your parents love me but you hate me
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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