it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
