why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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