I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
