i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
