$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
