4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
