Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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