omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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