what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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