Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
