I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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