It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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