that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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