Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
