I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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