Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
