I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
