chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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