new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
