At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
