wrigley field is MILF paradise
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
