p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize