Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
