since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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