Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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