i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
