do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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