dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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