Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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