:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
