Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
God, I missed his penis.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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