Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
