Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize