Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
