you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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