I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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