Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
