Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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