I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Randomize
