drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
