SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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