Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
