my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
