Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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