I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
