just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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