we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
