Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
