I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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