the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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