Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
