Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
