No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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