apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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