I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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