Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm sobbing to NWA
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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