I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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