So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize