I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
