the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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