Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
