too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
As shirtless as possible
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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