Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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